On Sunday after church as we were sitting in the car, waiting to leave the parking lot, Chad turned to me and said and I quote
“What’s wrong with your boobs?”
Well sweet heart, I bore your children and nursed them, that’s whats wrong with them.
“What do you mean?” I ask looking down. Yep there they are.
“Um it looks like you have 4 boobs” he smiled so nicely. A little too nicely in my opinion. and then his eyes glazed over…
(jk… guys! I was just kidding!!! I was just trying to make you laugh… on an unrelated note: Chad, Total Recall came in the mail today from Netflix…but I have no clue why you want to see it so bad.)
I felt for them. Yep sure as the sun rises, in this case my bra, I did indeed have 4 boobs. My real ones, and my bra ones. See I wore my slick g’s and my bra had no friction to save its life… so up it slowly crept until the underwire of my bra was sitting perfectly across my clavicle. I have no idea how long it had been like that, I always am a little absent brained at church with all the goings on of Primary. But I do remember during Jr Sharing Time that I had to lift my arms up a whole lot while doing this little dance with Tansy. So it probably happened then. sorry kids.
I don’t know if anyone noticed and hopefully no one did and no one thinks less of me. would you notice a girl at church looking like this?
4 boob has happened to me before. A long time ago in a land far away….
Back in college at UVSC I signed up for a racquetball class. Now see I have no NOPE not one drop of athleticism in my body. But one time when I was visiting my sister at college I played racquetball with this guy, who was muy bueno might I add, and he let me win. Probably to be nice, but for some reason I had it in my head that I was good at a sport finally! Not only good I thought, but I could (with training) be GREAT!
So the first morning of Racquetball I got ready for the day and for some reason wore the stupidest bra that I owned. A strapless bra. Which was leftover from my sister Stephanie from HS, who was at least a full cup size bigger than me, which made the bra… already unsteady as is with no straps, had nothing but air to grab onto.
So if you’ve ever been to UVSC, please remember now the hallway where the racquetball courts are located. Remember how two racquetball courts were completely visible from the hallway? Like you could walk down the hallway and press your face into the glass as you watched people play.
Okay so class starts and our teacher goes through some training and such and then pairs us up. I and this guy who looked oh so fine (and like 24/25, PROBABLY RM!), were paired up and played in the first racquetball court. The one right next to the hallway.
I was doing some pirouette’s and goofing around then switching it up by swishing my racket through the air like I knew what I was doing. Showing the guy that although I was 18 with braces, I could still be oh so cute (pirouettes) and tuff (swishing my racket)
So we start playing and I manage to get a few points. I had my game face on. Boo ya!! I was really trying very hard. Seriously I was trying to do my best and I was really getting into it. The only bad thing is when you have no athleticism in your body and you try really hard –> you look like a major dork. My arms and legs were all over the place… and I still run kind of funny… because I use to sit in the “W” form when I was a kid… Seriously. If anyone of you has seen me play any kind of sport and I’m looking like a goofball… (Need I remind any of my family members of my infamous dive attempts at Lake Powell) its because I’m trying really really hard to be athletic.
So I’m like all out of breath and we were taking a break… and I am doubled over trying to catch my breath, but still trying to be cute, so I’d look over at oh so fine dude every now and then and do a cute smile. :) and oh so fine dude is checking his watch. OH MY GOSH I’M LOSING HIM!!! I stand up, do a little jog in place, swing my arms around… getting back in my groove folks… getting my game face back on…
then all of the sudden Oh so fine dude is looking at me kinda funny… with a sort of bemused smile on his face… a little twinkle in his eye… oh yeah… I think he’s starting to flirt with me. score 1 for Shellie.
“Uh…..” he says… still smiling
“Yeah?”
“You have a little problem”
“What”
“Your uh shirt? You are having a little problem”
“Huh???”
I look down. What the???? There’s a weird lump around my stomach… WAIT A FRICKEN MINUTE! THATS MY BRA!!! My bra was like around my waist… like it was a freaking belt. a big bunchy belt. Awesome.
So I slipped the raquetball cord off my wrist, dropped it on the floor, turned around and walked out, grabbed my back pack, using it as a shield in front of me and went to the bathroom where I got it back in place, then went to the computer lab where I unenrolled from Racquetball 101.
THE END.
