So when I was in College I worked at Deseret Book at the University Mall in Orem.  It wasn’t a good fit for me.  Because I say inappropriate things and INAPPROPRIATE things are not allowed at Deseret Book.  In staff meetings I’d blurt out things that were equivalent to Michael Scott’s “Thats what she said” joke. 

Like they’d say “Today we’re going to really want to push the Greg Olsen “I am a Child of God” book.”  and I’d be like “Like we’re drug dealers?”  Hey she’s the one who said Push…

One day I was at the little information desk and one of our jobs at information was to get on the little intercom and tell people when they had a phone call.  “Front- Line 2″  “Gifts-Line 1″  So the information desk was midway between the back cash register and the front register. 

The lady on the back register called out to me that she needed to speak to the girl on the front register.  So I pick up the phone… push intercom… and say Pretty Loudly

“FRONT TO BACK”

pause

breathe in intercom

and then loud again

“FRONT TO BACK”

well then it got pretty quiet.  and everyone looked at the information desk and I just stood there like “Wha?” 

 and  then a Chad Hawkins sketch of the Provo Temple fell off the wall 

and Michael McLean stopped playing the piano and stared at me with pure disgust.  Yep he just lifted his hands right off the piano and clutched his head… but the crazy things was the keys kept playing…

and mothers clasped their hands over their childs ears

and people started throwing up Lion House rolls and honey butter

(okay I’m making that part up… this was 8 years ago… way before the CTR section had turned into a bakery)

right when I didn’t think it would get any worse a Florence Hansen statue started crying.

Seriously its not like I said “BACK TO FRONT”  cause that’s just plain gross

so chad the other day was like “Why did you stop working there?”  and I was like “Oh they let me go”  and he was like “So they Fired you?”  “NO!”  “they just didn’t need me any more after the holidays”  “Oh so they fired you.”  “maybe???” 

No they didn’t fire me.  But I think I was put on some sort of blacklist because I’ve been in Primary for 8 years, I’ve never been asked to give a talk in sacarement since 2002, and men in dark suits follow me when I visit Temple Square.