I’m taking a little time out. I have a medical condition that makes it hard to type anything cool. I don’t know how long it will last. But I am going to the dr’s tomorrow to see whats going on. (for real) No its not a baby. Please pray that I will get a hot doctor. And that he won’t sing a song about poop.

So I’m training for a 1/2 marathon coming up in November.  Its on Thanksgiving day and its both a 1/2 marathon and a full marathon.  Its the same course for the marathoners in the Atlanta Olympics.  Which is great because I plan on holding a big american flag as I run. 

Anyway this morning I went out for a 3 mile run and it was good.  I tried to remember to keep my pace in check and I think that works better than what I usually do.  Hear a good song, think I’m crazy fast, and then sprint for 10 seconds, then my heart feels like its going to explode, and then I pass out and die. 

by the way I saw a dead possum the other day and you know how in cartoons they always show a dead possum with “X’s” for eyes… well its because when they are dead and their eyes are all scrunched up it looks like a big “X” for real. 

oh and last night at back to school night I saw a guy with a huge mole right between his eyes.  It looked like a bindi dot.  Except it was black.  and it had a million hairs coming out from it.  like a paint brush.  how much would you have paid me to go up to him and cut it with a little pair of scissors?

Sometimes I get so baby hungry.  Not literally though.  Metaphorically speaking. 

Then I realize we couldn’t afford it.  LIKE WE WOULD be eating pancakes every night for dinner. and peanut butter out of a jar.  but it wouldn’t really be peanut butter, we would be so poor that it would be shortening and I would just have to tell the kids to close their eyes and pretend real hard. 

and then the kids would have to  play all day with a rock and a stick while I beat hand woven rugs that hung over my clothes line, with one of those cute little rug beater tools.

and then some older kids on bikes would ride past and yell “Rug Beater!!! Rug Beater!!!”  and I’d shake my fist at them and tell them to “Git”

Then Chad would come home wearing overalls with grease all over them and he’d be holding a loaf of bread wrapped up in a red handkerchief and he’d be like

“This is all I could get today little mama”

and I’d be like

“You done real good.” 

and I’d turn the loaf of bread into an amazing meal by adding a dollop of jam and a little butter.  and we’d all get a little glass of milk. 

and the kids would be wearing thread bare clothes but they’d look all cute and sweet because I’d make sure that although we were poor, Golly Gee we’d be clean and fresh looking.

So their eye’s would be looking at me all round and wishful like after they were done with their bread

and they’d say

“More food please”

and I’d run into the other room crying….

Thats why we can’t have a baby yet.  But I do really like them a whole lot.  I miss having little diapers, and little clothes, and holding them while they sleep, and the smell of them.  Some day.  Some how…

I heard this song while cleaning this morning.  I now proclaim it my new favorite song. 

There was a little ceremony :  I danced around while trying to sing along even though I didn’t really know the words, then after it was over, I bee lined to the computer, looked it up the song on youtube, watched the video, then looked up the lyrics and sang along, and then after that I said “I now proclaim you my favorite song”  It was a beautiful and tender moment.

The actual video of hers is disabled for me to play it here.  So I found one that was with a montage of movie kisses.  You can never go wrong with a movie kiss montage, and now with my favorite song.  win win. 

Welcome back readers and lets continue where we last left our little story.   20 year old Shellie  just closed the door on a psycho who apparently (according to him)  is going to be her husband.

When I was telling Chad this little first date story he asked “And you kept dating him???”  and I said “yes” and he replied “You were so desperate”  and I gasped and slapped him.  what blasphemy!

Yeah I know it sounds simple now…  Like why did I ever talk to him again, let alone go out with him again, let alone write in my journal about how much I LOVED HIM.  But we all do stupid things right?  And I’m not the first girl who’s gone out with someone who is a complete retard.  Look at Paris Hilton, Kimberly Stewart, and Mischa Barton… they all dated Cisco Adler and we all know  how stupid he is.

Also in my defense its ENGRAINED in me to be a people pleaser.  I was the baby of the family, I’m a Sagittarius, and I had cancer when I was a kid.  (my new years resolution to use my cancer card when I can)   (Use it or you lose it I always say)

Everyone knows that they can dare, suggest, even flat out tell me to do something and I will.  Although I don’t think its a character flaw, it is something I’ve been trying to get more a hold of because I know someday someone will tell me to do something illegal, like Claire Danes in that one movie who was in Thailand and she smuggled drugs for someone and got put in prison for like her whole life. I never saw it, so I’m not for sure if that’s what happened.  but you get the drift.   Someday I will end up in a Thai prison.

So on to the story

So Seth calls me like the next day (after gladiator date night) and we again talk for a couple of hours where I find out about a ex girlfriend of his named Tiffany and how she’s married now and etc…  and then during the week he might have come down I’m not sure.  None of that matters though.  Its this next part that gets crazy.

He invites me to spend the weekend with him at his parents house.  (I know I know I hide my head in shame now.)  But I accepted.  His parents would be there of course.  as well as his 6 brothers.  and some girl cousin that lived with them.  So he came and picked me up and we I had my little overnight bag with me . So the first night the family pulls out “Seven Brides for Seven Brothers” and I have never seen it so I am really excited.  

 

Then as it starts they(Seth’s brothers) are all like “I’m that brother” “I’m that brother” “That’s me”  See there was 7 boys in that family.  and then as the “Brides” start coming out or whatever (I’ve forgotten the movie now) the brothers are like “That’s the one I marry” “that one is mine”  pointing to the girl who eventually ends up with each brother in the movie.  and then Seth’s girl comes up and they say “That’s Seth’s wife! That’s Seth’s wife” and he kind of sighs and says ” That’s what Tiffany looks like”  :(  and then he gets all sad and depressed.

I just kind of sat there feeling dumb.  Then not kidding they all start talking about Tiffany. How great she was, how sweet she was, how beautiful she was.  Apparently his mother loved her. and I felt like I was in Twilight zone or something. 

My last morning I am there I am helping his mom make breakfast for everyone.  Seth was getting ready to go to work and he was standing by me and said “This is what it will be like when we’re married” and I was like “sigh”  because how sweet is that right!!! but now i realize that he probably meant that that was exactly how he pictured us… living with his parents and his mom and me would be cooking him breakfast every morning and taking care of him.  I forgot to mention he was a little over obsessed with his mom too.

So one thing I found out while dating Seth was that he loved curly hair.  He told me that a million times probably.  (also that Tiffany had  curly hair) So I of course went and bought sponge rollers and would curl my hair every time before we went out. Every time.  and curling your hair with sponge rollers in no small feat. 

My hair was short.  Not short short.  Just kinda middle short.  and it was brown.  So when i put rollers in my hair it came out really short and curly.  Kinda like this.

He never really commented on my hair that he liked it or not but I guess thats par for the course. 

For some reason I had gift certificates for a steak house called Carvers in Orem.  Its really nice and I thought it would be fun to go there with Seth.  So I asked him if he wanted to get dressed up and go to dinner with me, my treat.  I got dressed up in a really cute skirt and shirt, had holly do my makeup all fancy, and curled my hair.  Seth came and picked me up and he was in slacks, shirt and tie. 

We are enjoying a nice dinner and a couple comes in and sits next to us.  They were married and a little older, early 30’s.  The wife has long blonde hair which was down and curled…like this

 Seth notices her and looks at her while they are sitting down and then turns to me saying

“That’s the kind of curl I like.”  Basically implying to me that my own little sweet brown bob was a piece of crap in his eyes.  I started tearing up at that.  I think that’s when I started to realize that I had been so dumb to go out with him for so long.  But the next part is what broke the camels back. 

The bill comes out.  It came to $73 dollars and good thing because I had $75 in gift certificates.  So I paid with that but as I’m getting those out I realize I don’t have my bank card on me.  As the waiter is going to enter in the gift certificates I tell Seth that I don’t have money to pay for the tip.  (which would be about $15)  I asked him if he could cover it.  Which to that he replied “Yes if you fill my truck up with gas” 

Yeah I was pretty pissed.  I sat there kind of looking at him “are you kidding me?”  and he drove me home and waited for me as I went and got my bank card and then we went to a gas station and I filled up his tank.  I know that sounds stupid that I did that but I think I wanted to see if he really wanted me to and I also wanted him to feel like an idiot as he watched me fill it up.  Which the answers to above was yes he really did want me to… and no I don’t think he felt like an idiot.

So the next time I talked to him I broke up with him over the phone.  It was civil for the most part.  and I didn’t  hear  from him for quite awhile until one night I got a phone call from him pretty late.  I didn’t answer.  So it went to voice mail and this was his message.

“Shellie its me.  I’m outside and I know you are home because I can see that your car is here.  I just want you to know that I’m sorry and that I still love you.  I have a surprise for you in the morning” 

I had no idea what to think about the “surprise”.  But I didn’t call him back and the next morning when I went to go to drive to work (to Fairfield Inn which was right across the street)  (not kidding It was literally across the street from my condo)  I found my sweet surprise from Seth.

My car was decorated with balloons and those flag pendant banner things… you know like the car dealeships hang around to make their lot look exciting… and a big piece of card board that said “I love you Shellie!”

Crazy!  I hadn’t even talked to him in about 2 months!!!

I scraped all that crap off my car and dumped it in the trash.  I found out later that he got all that stuff from a car dealership.  which explains flag pendant banner thing. 

So I never called him back but I did find out that he had married someone 2 months after that. 

So that’s that :)

The End.

Remember the other day (like a month ago) when I was telling you some college stories and  I mentioned the George of the Jungle guy and the guy I dated named Seth?  I promised ya’ll I’d tell you my Seth story.  So here it is.

Holly (aka *DDG Roommate) and I went to a dance at the UVSC institute building one night.   Institute dances were fun, although not quite as fun as UVSC dances.  The distance between these two venues was probably I don’t a 1/2 mile but somehow that was enough for people to forget their moral standards and LET LOOSE and Get CRAZY!!!!   Seriously the same people who at an Institute dance would be doing the Macarena and the Boot Scoot Boogie would be dropping it like its hot at UVSC a week later.

So holly and I were at this dance and having fun.    Holly and I would be in the middle of the dance floor and Holly would be shaking her blond tresses and maybe swaying a little with the music… Looking of course (effortlessly) like some music video goddess.  and I would be trying to do the same.  but of course looking (effortlessly) like a huge dork.   all the guys would be standing at the edge of the gym, their mouths hanging open, eyes glazed over, paralyzed by her beauty.  

I of course knew I had to up the ante.  So I tried some moves out.  Sexy moves.  and here’s the thing Sexy moves GET YOU NO WHERE at a Institute dance.  NO WHERE. 

See its like that old saying “Guys want a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets”  In this case Streets = LDS institute dance.  Sheets = UVSC dance. 

The moves you can get away with at UVSC are just not going to cut it at an institute dance ladies. 

So here’s some tips if you ever get yourself in this situation.

This is appropriate at Institute Dance

This is not

 Appropriate:

Not:

In no way shape or form is it okay to do the following at a Institute Dance.

Shake your booty like you are Shakira

**Shake your booty like you are Beyonce

Writhe around on the floor like you are Madonna

***Drop it like its hot

Shimmy Shake

Okay? Got it?

Now you might be asking, “Shellie, Whats the difference between shaking your booty like Beyonce vs. Shakira?”

Big Difference I would have to say.  Here’s the main components of the two.  While Shakira does more a hip roll booty shake Beyonce does more of a jelly roll shake.  Shakira is more fluid and Beyonce is more bouncy.  Now when you are at an institute dance shaking what your mother gave ya (a flat butt) (thx mom) to Cotton Eye’d Joe it somehow doesn’t have the same affect as this and not even close to this… it just looks plain silly.  

Also if you do this in a church venue it will be noted, uh doubly noted, and you will burn in hell.  Or you will meet a guy named Seth and have a crazy boyfriend for a couple of months.

So during all my sexy dance moves I see this guy staring at me.  And he started making his way over to me.  And I don’t know how to put this delicatly because I’m married and all but… he was very good looking.  Seriously.  and we started dancing.  and I have to say he was the best dancer I have ever danced with.  (well besides the 50 year old mexican I danced with one night at Club Omni) (another story for another day)

Let me give you a visual.  He had dark olive skin, dark hair, brown eyes, white teeth, probably 6 foot tall, he was wearing dark blue pressed jeans, a brown leather belt, with a pale yellow Polo shirt tucked in.  

So we danced and talked for the rest of the night.  We walked out to his truck (Brand new Red Toyota Tacoma) and he asked for my number.  Which I gave to him (Don’t worry I had given him my correct name… lying is not cool at an instititue dance) and we said good bye.

Next morning I get a phone call.  Its Seth.  We talk for 3 hrs on the phone and I’m not kidding he gives me his life story.  Which basically was a lot of drama.  and for a guy to give you his drama history background the first time on the phone (or at all) should have dinged my warning bell.  But it didn’t. 

So he wanted to come see me that night.  Which was fine by me.  So we go to Blockbuster to pick out a movie (quick side note he’s an RM of I think 2 weeks at the time) and he picks out Gladiator.  Which was Rated R.  No No right?  We get up to the check out and he hands over his rental card. 

 ”Is your address still such and such North Carolina” the BB employer asks.  (North Carolina is where he served his mission)

 ”Uh yeah… you can leave it as that for now” Seth answered. 

When we get out to the truck I ask Seth why he had a blockbuster card for North Carolina. 

“Funny story… My companion and I would rent movies  a couple of times a week and watch them on our tv/vcr combo” he says!!!

I KNOW!  WHO DOES THAT!!!

So we get back to Lakeridge condo and we watch the movie.  and we kissed. So movie ends and its late and he has to leave.  We are standing at the door and he says and I qoute.

“I love you and I think you are my future wife” 

No I’m not kidding.  No I’m not even exagerating. 

I didn’t know what to say but I think I smiled pretty and said bye and closed the door. 

TO BE CONTINUED!!! 

*Drop Dead Gorgeous

** Actual move performed by me

*** Actual move performed by me

Watching the Olympics this year brought back a great memory.  It was the summer of 1992.  It was hot.  It was humid.  Actually it wasn’t really humid.  I lived in Idaho.  The only thing that’s steamy in Idaho is the cow pies. 

We didn’t have cable back then.  We had 4 channels.  NBC, ABC, CBS & PBS.  and we survived.  Yah I know!!! That’s crazy talk… We watched TV every now and then but our main source of entertainment was outside.  We lived in the country and I mean country.  We had one neighbor (no kids our age) in a 5 mile radius.  We had tons of fields, a big yard, an old barn, and a dump of some sorts where we would spend hours breaking glass bottles we could find. 

So one summer (1992) our mom took the TV away entirely.  We weren’t allowed to watch it.  I don’t know what we did to deserve that.  Probably drinking the last Pepsi.  (SERIOUSLY)  But probably because she wanted us to enjoy more of the wholesome air.  

The one thing we would be able to watch is the Summer Olympics held in Barcelona.  Of course Stephanie and I were all over that like white on rice.  For one reason alone…. Gymnastics!!!!! Now back in the day it seemed like every Saturday  they would have a Gymnastic competition broadcast.  (And in the winter Ice Skating) (yay!)  And we were a little obsessed.  We knew (I’m not kidding) every girls stats, where they were from, what they were best at, and we each had our favorites.  Stephanie liked Kim Zmeskis and I liked Dominique Dawes. 

So after we watched the Olympics  we decided to have our own Olympics Competition (uh the only sport to compete in…. Gymnastics)  We had found 2  wooden saw horses somewhere on the property… or maybe it was on our neighbors property… and we put them end to end… you know like a balance beam.  We then wrapped them with big egg carton foam mattresses and secured them in place with twine, bungee cords, and a belt. 

We also laid out a big blanket for floor exercises. 

On the balance beam we would take turns being spectator/judge/coach/announcer or gymnast. 

“Now here we have one of the most brilliant gymnasts in our time coming up to the balance beam… Stephanie Long! Stephanie has been training for these olympics her whole life”  -I would say as  announcer

“Yay! Go USA!”  we would yell if we were pretending to be the spectator

“Point your toes, keep your lines straight!!!  Arms high in the air!!!” We would coach

and then we would give each other scores based on how well we think we did.

We always started with an arm raised salute to the judge, mount the balance beam, raise our hands above our heads in a pose, and start our routine.  I couldn’t do anything other than somersaults and little jumps, and throw in some piorettes or fancy arm moves but it was so fun.  Stephanie I think was able to do a cartwheel on it.  That routine always got a 10!

We did this every day, hours on end, for probably 2 weeks.  Its one of my favorite memories. 

“Don’t Mess with Me or my Car ever again!!!”             The first car we ever bought…see ya in heaven :)

So when we came up on the car I told Chad it didn’t look to bad for being rolled a couple of times.  He was like thats because it only rolled once…. ohhhh I guess sometimes when I hear information I automatically spin it into something more dramatic… :) 

One of the tires popped off and Dallen and Kate thought it was funny.  So we took a picture of them on the tire.  Dallen is going through an anti picture taking phase.  he either covers his eyes or closes them.

Imagine this is the biggest whiney voice.  because thats how I feel today.  and I don’t get really whiney on here.  or at all… well except with Chad.  I can get really whiney with him for some reason. 

“Guuuuuys!!!!”

“I’m getting oooold” 

For real I am.  I am a basket case of stress.  I’m losing weight, my hair is falling out, I’m tired all day long, and here’s the KICKER… I can feel the wrinkles in my forehead getting deeper.  So all day long I’m touching my forehead to see how deep they feel and now I’m breaking out.  and I just want to throw my hands in the air and say “Are you kidding me?!!!”  actually I did do that on Sunday in the church parking lot.  and then I realized how sacreligious that looked and felt stupid which then caused me to stress out… which then caused the wrinkles in my forehead to go even deeper.  yay me.

You know I’ve seen people get whiney and complainey and it seems to work out for them.  They whine… people jump all over it… its like rescue princess syndrome or something.  When I whine/complain it just looks whiney and complainey :(  maybe I’m doing it wrong.  maybe I need to look really cute and sad.  instead of angry and pissed off (with huge wrinkles in my forehead)

I just want to go on a little mini vay cay

to  a spa

and get massaged

and wrapped in sea weed

and drink

margaritas