i can’t make a complete post about any of this but here’s some stuff thats been going on

• i had a really good day today… and mostly because I spent 3 hrs outside with my kids and their friends making leave piles for them to jump in.  you know the whole “love language” thing well I read a post the other day on Erin’s blog that hit me that said that kids love language is just to play with them.   I had a really GREAT day just playing with my kids.  The moment that really brought it home was Dallen jumping into a pile with a great big smile on his face exclaiming “This is the best day ever” 
• Chad got promoted to be a manager at his work.  I’m very very proud of him.  Way to bring home the bacon honey.  Thanks for being my man. 
• I want to buy some mustard yellow leather gloves from Target.
• Our ward got split and now we have to drive about 25 miles to our new church building. 
• I really can not emphasize enough how cool Herbal Essence “Tossle Me Softly”  products are. THEY ARE DA BOMB!  You know how VS models all have sexy bedroom hair.  I’m not kidding The “TMS” products deliver that.  First I put a little of the mousse in, then I towel dry my hair,  then blow dry it on low,  then I use a 1 1/2 inch curling iron all over, then I use a little “TMS” finishing creme and for the next 24 hrs I have Heidi Klum hair.  even the next morning its like still slightly curly on the ends and has so much body.  GO GET SOME! 
• I am getting excited my birthday is coming up.  I’m excited to hang out with friends, go on a date with Chad, and the most funnest thing is that it means BIRTHDAY SHOES!  I love birthday shoes.  Every year since last year I get birthday shoes on my birthday.  I have my eye on a pair of Alfini shoes from Macy’s that are patent leather and red.  Not slutty red, like a ruby red.  I tried them on the last time we went to macy’s and they are perfect. 
• Now that Chad is a manager he has Thanksgiving and Black Friday off.    yay. 
• Mrs. Fields Marketing hasn’t called me.  I’ve called them a couple times to see what the word was but they haven’t gotten back to me :(  BUT  I want to make something happen because I don’t want this to go down in my Book of Big Plans as a big fat zero.  so with or without Mrs Fields we’ll do something okay! 

Okay I have to run.  But thats some things that have been happening. 

if you were a building

i’d throw rocks

& break out all your windows

if you were a photograph

i would tear you in half

if you were a love letter

i would scribble you out  

if you were the end of a movie

i’d thow popcorn

& spill my soda

so the floors were annoyingly sticky

then boo and hiss while the credits rolled

But since you are a man

there’s nothing I can do

to make

you feel my hurt. 

Hey so I know you just heard about my blog and are coming here to read some of the things that I’ve written about having childhood cancer and an upcoming post about how your company played a part in it!

Thank you so much for coming over and reading… to read any of my cancer posts click on the tag “cancer” i.e. like the one right under the title of this post!

I’m so excited to work any way I can with you!!!!

-Shellie

Dear Readers-

I would love and appreciate all your comment love because I’m trying to make something big happen and I would love to show this company how many people have got my back and ready to help share the love to kids fighting cancer THIS CHRISTMAS SEASON!!!

My favorite scripture @ 2:02 Isaiah 41:10

If you could pray this holiday season for all the children who are fighting cancer. Treatments before holidays are usually pretty intense since the dr’s want to do some damage to the cancer so that during the time off the cancer won’t be able to gain any ground. Thank you so much.

Love,
Shell

did I mention I’m way behind in NaNoWriMo-  like almost 10,000 words behind

I’m going to try to squeak in half of that today  in about 2 hrs that I can fit in between preschool this morning and nannying tonight. 

lots of Muse will be going on.  and maybe some Jewel 

if I blog at all  this next month here are some words that will be primarly blogged I’m warning you now…

NaNoWriMo

I’m going crazy

Blahhhhhhhhhhh!

I’m so BEHIND!

I am one bona fide class A sucky writer

Write in today at B&N :(   (OH ps quick story about B&N — the other day I was there and reading in one of their comfy chairs and this old guy was sitting across from me and he stood up and then zipped up his pants and buckled his belt.  then left.  then came back and undid his buckle and unzipped his zipper.  then sat back down. creeeepy as jell)

WHYYYYYYYY!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

also I heard this song on SYTYCD the other day and freaking loved it.  It has been added to my writing playlist. 

So I’ve been doing NaNoWriMo for like 5 days.  It has been very emotional and crazy.  Not only am I putting extreme pressure on myself  to be creative but also while trying to continue my day to day activities of checking FB whenever possible and eating bagels.  Its so hard to fit writing in the mix!  woe is me.  

one  cool thing is almost daily I receive pep talks from other NaNoWriMo writers who are trying to pump us up to keep WRITING!!!! because Its so freaking hard.  I almost give up every minute.  I love getting pep talks.  Everyone needs a little “YOU CAN DO IT!”  So its cool coming from writers in the same boat as me saying “So what if you are writing pure junk that should belong in the fiction section of Teen Tiger Beat… so Freaking what!  you are doing something that is important to you… which is writing and being creative.  YOU CAN DO IT”  and then my heart starts beating real fast and I’m like “hell yeah i can”

I love pep talks so much that I decided to write a little tiny bit of one to all of you today. 

I have had my fair share of experiencing life’s butt hole moments.    And almost every day I wake up in a semi bad mood.  But one thing is that I try to keep things in perspective.  The other day a friend asked me if I would go back and change the way I grew up and I said “No”  and she was like “What?” and I smiled and said “I loved my childhood”  some crazy stuff happened.  My life has not been a cookie cutter Leave it to Beaver awesome wholesome perfect  life.  but honestly I wouldn’t trade it for anyone elses. 

Do you remember during my photo montage of my cancer pictures there’s a picture of me at Christmas time and in the picture is a picture of a blue bike in the background?  The caption for that photo is “My first bike!  Huge Story about it!!!” 

Here’s the story.  We were very poor that year.  Some people donated gifts to us.   Some of them were new and some of them were used.  I could tell the bike was used because there was scratches and nicks in the paint.  The seat looked a little worn to.  But other than that it was in pretty good shape.  I loved that bike more than anything.  I had never had a bike and at 14 years old it was like a dream come true.  Of course since it was Idaho I wasn’t able to go ride it really that far because of the snow, and the temperature being so freaking windy and cold.   But I was able to get bundled up and ride it up and down the road in front of our house a couple of times. 

My first day back to school after Christmas break was huge for me (i had been in remission for 2 months now)  and feeling okay.  I remember sitting in some sort of trailer classroom and a couple of kids around me were asking me questions before class started.  Like how was I feeling, how was Christmas, etc.  I felt very excited to have people around me and giving me attention and I talked, joked, and answered questions.  One thing I said was “And I got a Bike!!!!”  Everyone was like cool!  One girl in the group who was a Rigby town girl that I didn’t know that well kind of looked at me weird.  She then said in front of everyone “I know its my old one” 

My hands are shaking as I write this because its so hard feeling that feeling again.  My eyes teared up and I almost started to cry.  I really hated her in that moment.  Everyone felt kinda bad and kind of drifted off back  to their seats.  I stared at my desk for the rest of class for sure that if I looked up everyone would be staring at me with pity.  Look there’s the little poor chemo girl who got rich girls old bike. 

On the way home I thought about how much I didn’t like that girl and how much I hated that bike.  But then when I got home and went and looked at that bike I couldn’t hate it.  I loved it.  It was a great bike.  I couldn’t help still feeling excited about it.  I was still hurt that she had said that… but I didn’t think it should keep me from being happy about having something I always wanted.  

Everything in life is going to be touched with something negative.  Your family, your job, your health, your marriage, your friends etc…

But if its something you hold near and dear to your heart you can’t let that negativity keep you from loving it as much as you want. 

You better believe that when summer came around and the sun came out making every day a perfect bike riding day that I was out there going up and down that stretch of road wearing my neon bike shorts and black sports training bra (i was trying to look cute ya know) like there was no tomorrow and I was the happiest girl in the world. 

 Don’t let old hurt, old pain, new hurt or new pain keep you from loving and being excited about everything you want in this life. 

because :)

“YOU CAN DO IT!” 

writing does make me happy

writing does make me happy

writing does make me happy

repeat x 1000

I have Sinus Issues up the ying yang. 

I bought Sudafed.

I had to freaking wait until the FBI checked my background until I could exit Walmart with it. 

I went dancing with some girl friends for a birthday party.

Its been 8 years since I’ve been dancing in public.

It really showed. 

That I still have what it takes!!! (seriously my dance moves are legendary) 

I have entered NaNoWriMo

I have to write 50,000 words for my novel by Nov 30th.

I feel really crappy about it and have literally bit my knuckles  to keep from deleting huge paragraphs.  The point is to keep adding to the word count even if you feel like its complete DOODOO.

I am at 3,364 words a teeny tiny amount over today’s goal. 

I ate a bagel today. 

Also every time I stand up I feel dizzy.

I think its because of the sudafed. 

That I bought at walmart.