the other day at walmart I was shopping for a mop head. while I was in the aisle comparing mop heads a man down the way was looking at scenty things… sprays, candles, plugins and such.
he had long stringy gray hair, a black cotton jacket, a cane, and thick black rubbered soled shoes like one of his legs was shorter than the other… except both soles were thick soled so I guess that means that both of his legs were short??
so he turns to me and says “How do I find one that will make my house smell good” and I walk over to try to help. and I was like “well to smell the different flavors you just scratch this dot” and then showed him how to scratch and sniff the dot and smell all the lavendar goodness.
so then!!!! he smiles and me all creepy like and says “Thank you I really need to make my house smell good” and so I was like thinking “oh shiza GET OUT OF HERE SHELLIE” because in my head the alarm bells were going off like crazy
ohmagosh..ohmagosh..ohmagosh…ohmagosh..ohmagosh..ohmagosh…breathe breathe… HE’S a SERIAL Killer!!!! he has dead bodies in his house and he needs to cover up the smell!!!!
so as I’m walking away I realize that I HAVE to go back and look at him very closely so I can ID him when the cops come to my house!!! So I go back and stare at him for like 30 seconds and then he made eye contact with me and I almost fainted. so i left…
but you know what have been really freaky is if when I was passing the lotion aisle he was there looking at lotion.
you know “it puts its lotion on its skin”
eeeeeek not good.
here’s the online sketch I was able to make of the seriel killer I saw. as you can see it was very traumatic for me to recreate this.
except his hair was gray and a little more stringy and he was like 40 years older than this guy. and he didn’t have a mustache. other than that it was dead on.
p.s.
ok this should be a no brainer… but I was thinking all you have to do to catch a serial killer is to put bleach, mop heads, scenty things, rope, duct tape, and lotion on one aisle and who ever comes to that aisle arrest all of them. you are welcome police.
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Shellie, you make me laugh. I’m glad you stared and are able to ID him. I’m kinda surprised you didn’t follow him out to the parking lot and get his tag number.
This totally makes me think of the Lovely Bones. Have you read it? Gonna see the movie? Mark Wahlberg with Stanley Tucci as a murderer? Anyway… glad someone’s cleaning to the playlist, ‘cuz it sho’ aint me today.
By wonder woman on 01.28.10 11:55 am | Permalink
Agent Shell cracks the case once again! (How does she do it?)
By Jami on 01.28.10 1:22 pm | Permalink
Wow. All law enforcement agencies around the country should be following your blog. You have made the world a better place! :)
By Rachel Sue on 01.28.10 2:04 pm | Permalink
i think i used to date that guy……
;)
By rychelle on 01.28.10 2:08 pm | Permalink
“It does what it’s told!” Love it. You should have snapped a photo with your camera phone and sent it into People of Walmart…or maybe you could start your own website “Serial Killers of Walmart”.
By Amy on 01.28.10 2:09 pm | Permalink
I have read lovely bones. it was good. haven’t seen the movie yet… chad doesn’t really want to.
lol seriously a “Serial Killers of Walmart” would be soo appropriate.
and Rychelle— you are one lucky girl :)
By Shellie on 01.28.10 3:17 pm | Permalink
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh… still smiling after having laughed a lot :)
By nevadanista on 01.28.10 7:20 pm | Permalink
Did he look like Buzz, the big brother from Home Alone? Because that’s what the picture reminds me of. Except with longer hair and a little stache.
I would love to know your thoughts on lovely bones. I read it too.
By Emily on 01.29.10 7:45 am | Permalink
Linda? Linda? Is that you?
By Lisa K on 01.29.10 10:59 am | Permalink
Oooo…which walmart? i once saw an old guy with a long stringy gray mullet in the toy aisle at the one across from macaroni grill (i remember him because it was the first time i ever saw a mullet, in real life)…was he wearing a denim jacket with a skull and cross bones bejeweled on the back?
By deborah on 01.30.10 5:52 pm | Permalink
Well, thanks to your “spot on” diagram, I recognized this guy right off. I am calling the authorities right now.
You belong with the CSI –team –any of them, Las Vegas, NY, Miami —I’ll refer you
love your post about all of you tucked in bed and hubby giving kisses
so sweet
By wendy on 01.31.10 4:11 pm | Permalink
OH man, how have I been missing all your posts?! Sheesh lady!! I’m totally terrified of talking to people at wal-mart, I’m also terrified that my neighbor’s are serial killers and are going to come through the attic thing in the night and kill me.
By Mel on 02.04.10 12:38 pm | Permalink
I just forwarded this to everyone I know…we’ll get him. (You know that’s Jack Black, right??)
By skcoe on 02.04.10 6:22 pm | Permalink
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