So when I was in College I worked at Deseret Book at the University Mall in Orem. It wasn’t a good fit for me. Because I say inappropriate things and INAPPROPRIATE things are not allowed at Deseret Book. In staff meetings I’d blurt out things that were equivalent to Michael Scott’s “Thats what she said” joke.
Like they’d say “Today we’re going to really want to push the Greg Olsen “I am a Child of God” book.” and I’d be like “Like we’re drug dealers?” Hey she’s the one who said Push…
One day I was at the little information desk and one of our jobs at information was to get on the little intercom and tell people when they had a phone call. “Front- Line 2″ “Gifts-Line 1″ So the information desk was midway between the back cash register and the front register.
The lady on the back register called out to me that she needed to speak to the girl on the front register. So I pick up the phone… push intercom… and say Pretty Loudly
“FRONT TO BACK”
pause
breathe in intercom
and then loud again
“FRONT TO BACK”
well then it got pretty quiet. and everyone looked at the information desk and I just stood there like “Wha?”
and then a Chad Hawkins sketch of the Provo Temple fell off the wall
and Michael McLean stopped playing the piano and stared at me with pure disgust. Yep he just lifted his hands right off the piano and clutched his head… but the crazy things was the keys kept playing…
and mothers clasped their hands over their childs ears
and people started throwing up Lion House rolls and honey butter
(okay I’m making that part up… this was 8 years ago… way before the CTR section had turned into a bakery)
right when I didn’t think it would get any worse a Florence Hansen statue started crying.
Seriously its not like I said “BACK TO FRONT” cause that’s just plain gross
so chad the other day was like “Why did you stop working there?” and I was like “Oh they let me go” and he was like “So they Fired you?” “NO!” “they just didn’t need me any more after the holidays” “Oh so they fired you.” “maybe???”
No they didn’t fire me. But I think I was put on some sort of blacklist because I’ve been in Primary for 8 years, I’ve never been asked to give a talk in sacarement since 2002, and men in dark suits follow me when I visit Temple Square.
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Okay, so I don’t think I’m super naive, and my husband tries to keeps me up on naughty idioms I never learned in high school, but I have no idea what you are talking about. So I googled back to front (I know, is dangerous), and all I came up with is a lionel ritchie album. (Front to back was a ben folds five album.)
But I think you are seriously funny and I’m glad to know Michael McLean must have a dirtier mind than I do.
Also, this made me think of the time I was in Deseret book and they had Easter decor on clearance. There were these little ceramic painted animals, still in their boxes. The boxes were labeled with things like “duck on chick” and “chick on bunny on pig”. And I took pictures with my cell phone.
By beeswax on 03.04.10 11:21 am | Permalink
Shoot I should have explained it better.
Front to Back you know like when you are a girl and you have to go potty and thats how you have to wipe.
anyway it wasn’t even that bad and I said it pretty innocently not realizing thats how people were going to take it. but I got some weird looks and my coworkers teased me for informing the customers on how to properly wipe.
if you have those pictures I’ll upload them to this post cause I think thats pretty funny. and something I would totally have pointed out in a staff mtg!
By Shellie on 03.04.10 11:46 am | Permalink
That is funny. I totally wish they would quit asking me to talk in sacrament meeting. I keep trying to think of something slightly inappropriate to say over the pulpit so they don’t ever ask me again. Any suggestions?
By Momof8 on 03.04.10 12:48 pm | Permalink
I went to University Mall recently and Deseret Book is gone! Tai Pan has taken its place.
By Lisa K on 03.04.10 1:22 pm | Permalink
ha ha ha ha ha! Oh that was funny! (so was that “duck on chick” and “chick on bunny on pig” thing).
I particularly like that the keys on the piano kept playing… ha ha!
By Joe on 03.04.10 3:48 pm | Permalink
You forgot to tell them that Sheri Dew triggered the sprinklers and started running around like she’d lost her mind…that was the best part!
Funny girl. FUNNY!
By Sheryl on 03.04.10 9:44 pm | Permalink
thats crazy that its tai pan lisa… is DB located somewhere else in the mall?
One of my favorite DB stories involves Marie Osmond but maybe in a couple of months…
oh yeah I totally forgot that part about Sherri Dew.
I also forgot the part where an old man with a cane was reading some F.A.R.M.S pamphlets and he dropped his monocle and said “Mon Dieu!”
By Shellie on 03.05.10 7:02 am | Permalink
Too. Freakin’. Hilarious.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
By Tamarama on 03.05.10 7:37 am | Permalink
seriously, we are such twins-ies! i get the weird “what-in-the-hecko” are you talking about look from my husband.
like when i told my son to punch his dad in the nuts. yeah, he was PISSED! like he was my dad, so sad that i’m his kids mom.
By Lindsay on 03.05.10 8:13 am | Permalink
yeah lindsay its sure a fun look isn’t it!
I always say words like “nuts” too… totally twinsies
thanks Tamarama :)
By Shellie on 03.05.10 3:22 pm | Permalink
Like you’re drug dealers?
I LOVE it!
By Rachel Sue on 03.05.10 9:02 pm | Permalink
Sounds like we’d be good sitting next to each other at church. You’re my kind of humor all over the place. :)
By Debbie on 03.07.10 9:14 pm | Permalink
As the story progressed I thought for sure as some point the PA receiver in your hand was going to burst into flames and fall in a pile of ash on the floor.
FRONT TO BACK! Hahahaha!
By Michelle on 03.08.10 9:50 am | Permalink
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